Thought 19: Running on empty . . .

When I was 19 years old, my life changed forever. Bob Hubbard entered my story. The trajectory of my life would never be the same. I will always believe that God sent him to me as he is undoubtedly my greatest blessing. The story of how we "met" has always been a fuzzy one as I don't think we were ever officially introduced. I was friends with a lot of the guys in his fraternity and we hung out in the same circles at the end of our freshman year of college. So, we knew of each other, but our friendship did not start to develop until the end of our sophomore year. Bob will always argue that he noticed me first and that might be true. But, our connection during the spring of 1995 was mutual and the real thing. We did not start officially dating until that fall, but an all-nighter talking on the beach set in motion what I see as a love for the storybooks!

I do my best to stay positive and keep a motivating tone, but some days (or weeks) are just tough. I want to keep this blog honest and share how I am really feeling along the way. So, I must report that I am just drained. The weeks following the half marathon have just been really hard. Every attempt to exercise takes so much more effort than usual, almost like I felt when I was first starting to train. It has been so frustrating. I have put in some long runs, including an 11.5 run with my sister-in-law and a few 8 mile runs. However, those runs were a struggle. I thought I was past this point.

My fatigue has not just been while running. I have been tired most of the day. But why? Where did my momentum go? I am registered for the marathon. I have my sights set for October. I am raising money for my charity. How could I be losing momentum? Is it a physical problem? Emotional? Both? When my body starts to fall off course, I immediately start thinking the worst. Most people might look to the increasing temperatures and the high level of pollen. Or others might say that interrupted sleep or a poor diet might be contributing factors. In my mind, I immediately go to a relapse in my Crohn's Disease or I feel light headed and nauseous so maybe I am getting another kidney stone. I have my annual scan in June to make sure my cancer continues to be in remission. Let's just say my worrying goes into hyper drive when I feel unusual.

I went to the doctor recently and all my blood work came back normal. I am fine. That is so unlike me. So, I guess there is something to that pollen, higher temps, and lack of sleep that can make someone feel lethargic. Also keeping up with a feisty three-year-old can add to the fun. So, I am going with the simpler explanation until I am given a reason to think otherwise. I just get scared. I want to stay OK. I just get really, really scared. I am going to give my body some time to rest up the next few weeks with some shorter runs. I am preparing myself for the long haul. Atlanta is not going to be very forgiving with the high temperatures this summer, so I need to pull from my inner strength to build my outer strength. I am going back to see my physical therapist every month and will be getting a full physical in May. I am also going to visit with a sports nutritionist to make sure my body is getting all the fuel it needs. 

I will give it everything I have and see how it goes. I am going to cross the finish line in Chicago, but as Bob reminded me, I need to run my own race, both on and off the trail. I am bad about comparing myself to others as well as being very competitive. There is nothing like training for a marathon to increase your self awareness. The pictures above are the types of thumbnails that Bob sends me on all my long runs. I am so lucky to have him as my greatest cheerleader. I have cried a lot over the past several weeks as I have just not felt well. When I am tired, my strong emotions kick in and I cry a lot to find release. Watching an episode of Parenthood is always a good emotional release. I will move forward and take the frustrations I have felt to build my momentum back up. I am a fighter and would not be standing here if I wasn't one. So, I will end this thought on a positive note. It's time to crank up the tunes and enjoy the next 24 weeks of strength building, both inside and out. 

Check out my personal fundraising page for the Les Turner ALS Foundation -  http://ow.ly/ukTos.