Thought 25: That's what friends are for . . .

In the fall of 1999, Bob and I made our first big move as a family. We moved to Ann Arbor, Michigan so I could attend the University of Michigan School of Social Work for my Masters Degree. I focused on Interpersonal Practice with Children and Families. We were Michigan fans instantly. I will never forget the look on Bob's face when we received our UM football season tickets in the mail before we moved. The first game was against Notre Dame and ESPN Gameday was there. Bob convinced me to get up early enough so we could be out there for the start of the show. We sported out maize and blue with tattoos on our face. We looked like we had been fans much longer then the 5 minutes we had lived there. Football Saturdays in Ann Arbor were some of our favorite days during our 7 years as Michiganders. Just don't bring up with Bob the Michigan State game we left early because I was cold and Michigan came back to win in the third overtime. Oops. 

How to draw a rainbow . . . Help in trying out for the dance team . . . Attempts at driving a manual transmission . . . a few of the many things that I have learned from my friends over my lifetime. Some of the things we learn from friends are things we can see while others touch closer to the heart. I have been fortunate to make so many amazing friends throughout my life, starting with my very first friends, Laura and Erica. I knew them both from almost the very beginning. I spent a lot of time with each of them in the first eleven years of my life before my family moved to Tallahassee. I am lucky that I am still connected with them both today and I enjoy staying in touch and seeing pictures of their beautiful children. 

One of the great things about social media sites like Facebook is I am able to stay connected with so many people from every part of my life. I have amazing friendships from both high school and college that I just wish I could keep up with better. Facebook is not the best way to do that, but unfortunately that is the best we have sometimes. I continue to try and do better to connect in other ways. The best friends I have from college are ones Bob and I share together. They are so special to us, and even though we don't have the chance to talk or get together like we want to, we always know that we are there for each other no matter what happens. I will never forget when they all drove or flew down for my mom's funeral. I was blown away and will never forget that moment when they all walked in together. I will love them always. 

When I became a mother in November 2010, I could not have been more excited and scared at the same time. Those first few months were somewhat lonely in that I did not have a lot of local connections to share in being a new mother. I was missing my mom like crazy as it had only been a year and a few months since she had passed. I didn't even realize how much I needed other women to share in this new experience of being a mom. I was blessed to have the two most amazing sister-in-laws to commiserate with as we all became moms within 10 weeks of each other - zero to three grandchildren almost instantly for Bob's parents!

And then one day in March 2011, I decided to venture out and take Megan to story time at our nearby library. I sat down and was excited about joining in on an activity that I looked forward to doing as a mom for so long. Little did I know that I was sitting down next to a fellow mother that would change my life forever - my Jenn. We started talking immediately and she told me about a local mom's group that she had connected with already. The group was organized through a website called Meetup and was a larger group of area moms looking to get together for playdates and activities, many of which were stay-at-home moms like me. My first "meetup" was at a local park and I was so nervous. I brought a blanket for Megan and sat down with all the other moms and babies. I quickly met some amazing friends who are now like family to me. It was a large group and different people showed up at different things, but it did not take us long to find each other and some of us to become a smaller and closer group of friends and "super mommies." 

We went out for an evening of celebration and friendship recently to say farewell as a group to two of our ladies. Their lives are taking them to new adventures in St. Louis and Raleigh, and I could not be more happy for them and their families. I will just miss them so much. I am not good with goodbyes. Both of these ladies are so incredibly special to me and are two of my best friends. We have navigated this thing called motherhood together on a daily basis. From the emotions that come with every stage to what sippy cup is best to problem solving when the babies are sick, we have discussed it all and kept each other sane. We have taken care of each other's kids and leaned on each other through both highs and lows. The ladies you see above, and some that are not pictured, have been a gift from God to me. I truly believe that my mom sent them to me. We have spent so much time together that I love their children like they are my own and it has been so much fun to see many of their families growing with additional children. Our kids all love each other so much and are learning about the importance of friendship from each other. 

We have played and spent time together on almost a weekly basis for over three years now, sometimes more than once a week. This picture is from the first playdate I hosted at our house with two of Megan's best buddies. As the kids continued to grow, we started taking our "couch pictures" and lining them up together. We have run out of couch room now, but it doesn't keep us from lining them up for a group shot. Over the years, we have kept the frozen yogurt business going in our community, worn out the sidewalks of the zoo and botanical gardens, made our presence known at the local parks, and destroyed many a playrooms at each other's homes. I had to get unlimited texting for my phone so I could keep up with our group conversations when we were not together. It is all in a good day's fun! 

As the kids all get bigger and time continues to move too fast, we always find ways to stay connected. It does become more of a challenge as families have different school schedules and activities start to come into play. Some friends have moved a few cities away, but still in the area, while we have our first birds to leave the nest and move to another state. We have all decided that we will work hard to stay in touch and find ways to stay connected. Life will always go on and distance can be difficult to deal with when trying to maintain any relationship. No matter where life takes any of us, we will always have these special years together when we learned so much about ourselves as both women and mothers, wives and daughters, and most of all friends.

Thought 24: A daddy's girl . . .

My first job out of college was at the Florida Children's Forum in Tallahassee, a statewide child care resource and referral agency. I had worked there a year when I turned 24 years old. I held several positions in my time with the organization and learned a lot about event planning and program management. I enjoyed the people I worked with the most and the work they entrusted in me as I was getting my feet wet in my first real professional position. I have to say my time as a 24-year-old adult in 1998 was a difficult one. I was learning more about my gastrointestinal issues and not understanding why no one could make me feel better. It wasn't until 2000 that I was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease, so I was incredibly frustrated with my symptoms. I was on and off weeks of prednisone because there was nothing else that made me feel better. Bob and I struggled with understanding this time and just wanted to enjoy our newlywed days. We made the best of it as always as we leaned on each other and both sides of our wonderful family for support. 

There are certain qualities in a father that mean the most to me. First, I think a father should provide unconditional love. A father should encourage their child to be a critical and independent thinker. A father should inspire their child to be a dreamer and follow those dreams, no matter where in the world those dreams will take them. A father should teach their children how to respect others, as well as respect themselves. A father should be fun and patient and always embrace the silliness in his children. A father should demonstrate how important it is to follow the rules and be responsible for one’s actions. However, he should also teach his children to think for themselves and use good judgment, even if it means breaking a rule every now and then. Finally, a father should teach his children the importance of giving back and respecting other people, no matter their background or differences. There are so many qualities that make a good father, and everyone would have a different list. These are the qualities that have had the most impact on me and I am blessed that my dad embodies all of them.

I have been so fortunate to have so many great men in my life – my father, my two older brothers, my husband, my father-in-law, my uncles, my brother-in-laws, and of course my grandfathers. I wish them all a very Happy Father’s Day! There is no denying who is my father. I look just like him. He loves the story of my co-worker that once said, “wow, you look just like your dad. It’s creeping me out.” It is a striking resemblance, but in the end, I hope that it is some of my other qualities that have the strongest connection to him – my competitiveness, ambition, generosity, humor, tender heart, instinct, courage, and stubbornness not to give up.  My dad and I have both been affected by Crohn’s Disease in our lives, and if it weren’t for him, if it weren’t for these qualities, I would never be here today.  

My mom always told me that my dad was surprised when I came along because he had never thought about having a girl.  He had faith in me from the beginning and knew that I could do anything I wanted to do in this world. I grew up in Titusville, Florida with a pool in my backyard. My dad had me in the water (no flotation device) at 8 months old. Before long, he was pushing me to the bottom of the pool to pick up pennies. We were buddies from the beginning. We had at least 10 games we would play in the pool that he made up. He would come home from work and put me in his Scout Jeep and take me down to the convenience store or ice cream shop for a treat. After he and my mom saw the matinee stage production of “The Wiz” in Orlando, he came home, put me in the car, and we drove all the way back for the evening show. He took me to his office on the weekends and I would pretend to be his secretary downstairs. He taught me how to keep score at major league baseball games.  He taught me how to write.  He inspired me to want to see the world. He shared his love of Broadway and took me to New York City on a regular basis (we hope to go again soon). He shared his love of reading and history and has inspired me to want to learn more. Although I fought it for so many years, he actually does have a good taste in music, which I am sure has had an influence on my love for country, bluegrass, and jazz.  

The funny thing is, I continue to learn from him with every year and am most grateful for what he gives my daughter as her “Gran.” He is in love with being a grandfather and seeing his four nieces and one grandson every chance he can get. He loves his family with all his heart and has always made me feel like my brothers and I were his first priority. He travelled a lot when we were growing up and still works and travels at the age of 74 years old. But I never felt his absence because he was always so present when he was home. My dad is not perfect. No one I know is perfect, most certainly not me. But I think my dad would be one of the first to admit that and has always been pretty hard on himself. I know I get my stubbornness from him. He has already arranged to have a copy of his car keys given to a friend, so when we take his keys away one day, he can still get away in his car and head out west.

My dad and I have a very special and unique relationship and friendship. It has grown and changed over the years, but I still look to him for guidance and wisdom. We truly enjoy each other’s company. One of the things I am most excited about is that the qualities I treasure most in my dad, I also see in my husband. I find great comfort in knowing that Megan will grow up and go through life with a dad that embodies all the qualities a dad should process. One of the greatest things that both my dad and husband share is their love of being a dad. My husband will always be there for Megan in all the ways she will need him. He provides her unconditional love and support and encourages her to try her best and be respectful of others. He is the stable force in her life and I have fallen in love with watching their relationship develop in her first three years. Between their yogurt dates and Frozen sing-a-longs and their Dr. Seuss adventures and Sat mornings while I am running, my husband never misses an opportunity to have his special time with his girl. He is always there, which is really what it is all about.

So, when does a father become a “dad” or “daddy?” I am sure there are as many opinions about this as there are answers, but I think it is about the bond between a dad and his child and the connection between two hearts. A dad longs to be with his kids and be there for his kids. He feels responsible for them and ensuring their safety and well-being. He embodies the qualities or similar ones that I mentioned above. My husband and I are very much a team and share the responsibility in raising a strong and confident daughter. My parents did the same. I am very aware of how lucky I am to have these relationships and sources of support. The relationship with my dad goes to the core of who I am and I could not be more grateful that God sent me someone that can give that same connection and love to our daughter. No coincidence they are both named Bob.

Happy Father’s Day to the two men that give my life such joy, to all the dad’s in my life, and all the dad’s everywhere! Here’s to you!

Check out my personal fundraising page for the Les Turner ALS Foundation -  http://ow.ly/ukTos. 

Thought 23: Are you for real . . .

When Bob and I got married in December 1997, he was 22 and I was barely 23 years old. We were young and ready to take on the world together. Our wedding was absolutely beautiful and the big, fun party we wanted with our friends and family. Although, we always laugh that we didn't see any of the food until we opened the picnic basket in our hotel room later that night. It was an affair to remember for sure. We were married two days after Christmas and everything was decorated so beautifully. We could not have been more grateful to our parents for giving us such an amazing start to our lives. Our honeymoon was a cruise through the Caribbean and such a carefree time. We went scuba diving for the first time and both fell in love with the experience. We arrived home to our apartment, ready to start our lives as a family. The honeymoon ended pretty quickly as it was more apparent that I was having health issues that were new and different. Outside of some childhood asthma (that I grew out of when I was 8 years old) and problems with seasonal allergies throughout my teenage years and early twenties, I had never really been sick. Bob was there for me from the moment I had my first symptoms of Crohn's Disease just months after our wedding day. He is there for me now. I could not be more blessed. 

A friend asked me recently, "are you an avid runner?" I was really not sure how to answer. It's funny, I have been running pretty consistently for about two years now and I still have trouble thinking of myself as a runner. Am I an "avid runner?" The word "avid" means to have or show a keen interest or enthusiasm in something or to have an eager desire for something. So, do I have an interest or enthusiasm for running? I would say so. Bob texts me quotes like the one below every weekend during my long runs. He sent me this one last Saturday while I was running 7 miles. It really stuck with me and I wanted to share it with you.

I know people that run for lots of reasons and they all run at different levels and distances. I also know many people that don't run for lots of reasons. There were a lot of years when I would have laughed at you if you ever told me I would train as a runner, much less for a full marathon. Let's just say, I was not the first one picked during P.E. in school. But, I am a runner. I am an avid runner. I am not able to break 2 hours in a half marathon (a benchmark I have always attributed to serious runners), but I am only 20 minutes behind them and my medal looks the same. I show up and put in the time. My mile is just as long as the next runner, no matter when I finished it. I don't care if you run 2 miles, 10 miles, or 26.2, the effort can be the same if that is a goal for you. I remember when I never thought I could run a mile without stopping. It was such a challenge for me to reach that milestone. I have come a long way since then and that is why training is so important. As you increase your mileage, you sometimes wonder how you will ever be able to run farther than the goal you have for that day. I remember when I ran 6 miles for the first time when training for the 2013 Disney Half Marathon. While I was proud of myself, I thought, how would I ever be able to run more? And then I did.

I finally feel like I am getting back into a groove with my running. The heat is definitely my biggest challenge at the moment, but I am making it work. In order to prepare for the long haul, I have pulled back on my long runs and returned to interval training. I am running seven or eight minutes and walking one throughout the whole run. This worked really well for me during my last long run and left me feeling like I could do more. The run-walk method also doesn't take too much off your time if you do it consistently throughout the run. So, I continue to run my own race and use what works for me. I know I will hit bumps throughout my training, but so far so good!

Over the past week I also mapped out my training and runs between now and race day on October 12. Seeing the visual of what days I will run what distances provided me a lot of relief. I can now look ahead and make sure I plan around those growing distances, especially on the weekends. It is hard to imagine running farther than a half marathon distance of 13.1 miles, but like I have in the past, I will do it and continue to move up the mileage ladder. I am hoping to connect with a running group when the mileage gets past the half marathon distance. I feel very naive going into this experience and I know I will learn so much along the way, but that is why I am doing this. I want the experience. I crave it. I want to show myself that I can do this and that my body is strong enough both physically and mentally. I hope to inspire others that have faced health challenges like me or are looking for a reason to hope. I want to be a source of inspiration for those that need it. I have connected with a lot of runners through social media and have found my own sources of inspiration and motivation both in and out of the running world. I just want to give back.

So, if you are reading this and want to be a runner, just lace up and get out there. If you show up, you are a runner. If you run some of it and walk some of it, you are still a runner. Take on that couch to 5K. Take on the 10K. Go for the half marathon. Next time someone asks me if I am an avid or serious runner, I am going to say yes confidently. I am putting a lot of myself into this each week, as well as my family,  and I take that sacrifice and commitment seriously. If you are just getting started with this journey, you are still a runner. If you own it, I promise I will too.

On a side note, in my last blog, Thought 22, I forgot to add one more movie to my favorite list, A Few Good Men. Had to be said.

Check out my personal fundraising page for the Les Turner ALS Foundation -  http://ow.ly/ukTos.