Thought 18: A test of faith . . .

My family loves to throw surprise parties, especially my mom. On my 18th birthday, I was surprised with a party at The Melting Pot, my favorite restaurant at the time - I love fondue! I was a senior in high school and a happy one as well. I was co-editor of my high school newspaper, finishing up my time on the high school swimming team, and excited to receive an early decision acceptance to Furman University. Life was good for me as I entered my adult years, the most carefree time of my life. My family also likes to make surprise visits. I remember when my brother Mike and my sister-in-law Cynthia surprised me when they joined my parents for a visit to me at college. I surprised them when I flew down for the birth of their first child. I can't count how many times we surprised on birthdays, including us all meeting at Disney and surprising my mom for her 60th birthday. Bob's family is as big on the surprising as well - they all flew up for Bob's 30th birthday in Michigan. Sometimes the surprises come when you need them the most, including when Bob's brother surprised me in the hospital on a difficult visit. I think my favorite one of all had to have been when we surprised my parent's with a 45th wedding anniversary party. This one means more to me for so many reasons. 

Megan on her first Easter Sunday at my dad's church in Tallahassee

My faith is not something I normally talk about.  It is no indication of how important it is to me, but more because I have always been very private in my beliefs. My faith in God is at the core of who I am as a person, but it has been a process for me. My parents both had a strong faith and belief in God, but it was not something we talked about a lot. They always attended a Presbyterian Church, but I think that was more about their respect and love for the minister and church community than the denomination. We did not make it to church on Sundays growing up too much and I never attended Vacation Bible School or Sunday School. I think they would have enjoyed going to church more, but I think it was hard wrangling their three children.

For my parents through, it was more about living a life that exhibited Christian values than church attendance. I am not here to talk about religion or what others feel it means to be a Christian. I am just sharing what I believe and where those beliefs started from. My mom told me on many occasions that she believed to be a good Christian was to be a good person. I always identified with this. Giving back was a hallmark value in our home and my parents modeled it beautifully. My mom loved all the traditional hymns and singing them when we were in church. She also loved that I married someone that shared that joy with her. I did have a stint in the church choir, but it didn't last long.  To be honest, by the time I reached high school, I did not have a lot of interest in exploring my faith. My parents continued to be models to all of us in their beliefs, but they gave us the room to explore our own faith journey, whatever that meant to us.

Through my high school and early college years, I did not think much about my faith or a spiritual world. I even had a friend that professed to be an atheist, which I didn't agree with, but I really didn't know what I believed. My friends were all at a different place with it and I started thinking more about it as I progressed into my sophomore year in college. I was never comfortable with talking about it out loud too much or participating in faith based activities. I think I was just uncomfortable in knowing what I believed that I didn't feel I had a lot to contribute. In attending a liberal arts college, I took a Religion class where I learned more about Christianity and a Religions of the World class where I learned about other faiths around the world. I have always believed that there is more than one answer out there and that they all somehow come together in the end. This education was so important to me in my faith development. Since I attended a college that was historically a Christian school, the conversation was definitely alive and well. And then I met Bob . . .

As we grew more serious in our relationship, we had a lot of discussions on faith and religion. Bob has a strong Christian faith in God and was raised in the church. The only thing Bob asked of me was that I always keep an open mind and continue to challenge myself in exploring my faith. I knew I was a Christian, but for some reason I had a hard time saying it out loud. I just did not have a lot of confidence in professing my faith. As the years passed, my faith continued to grow without me even always realizing it. A defining moment for me was in June 2001 after I had an emergency surgery following five days of living with a perforated bowel. I can now say that it is a miracle that I survived that complication and I never felt God's presence more in my life. This feeling only continued to grow.

Once Bob and I moved to Ann Arbor, Michigan in 1999 and we found our own church to attend, I started a more mature faith journey. My faith has been tested many times over the years through the challenges we have faced and not understanding why life continued to hit us so hard. But life continued and so did my exploration. We moved to Atlanta and joined Peachtree Road United Methodist Church in July 2007. Our minister in Ann Arbor recommended this church community to us, but it was especially inviting since Bob's siblings attended there too. PRUMC has been our home church ever since, but I don't think I have really felt it was our church until we adopted Megan and started raising her in the life of the church. She was baptized there and is growing up and making friends there that we hope will turn into lasting friendships over the years.

My faith journey is a process, which I think is true for many. As we raise Megan and instill in her the values of a Christian life, including her church family and education as a part of her everyday life, I will work hard to talk about my journey with her and share more about what I believe and why I believe it. Living a Christian life will always be how I approach the world and my relationship with it, but what I now realize is at the heart of being a Christian is my personal relationship with God. Letting this relationship be at my core and what I build all other relationships around is a big step in my faith journey.  It has been a healing force in my life as I work to understand the loss of my mom and the health challenges in my life. I am now comfortable and more confident in my faith and look forward to seeing where it takes me from here.

It used to make me feel uncomfortable that I was not at the same place in my beliefs as others around me, but I am not letting myself apologize for that anymore. I feel good about the way I have lived my life and the way I treat and help others. I welcome God in my heart and continue to explore my faith through education, fellowship, and service to my community. I look forward to sharing this with Megan as she grows older and thank Bob for being patient with me and giving me the room to be me and find myself in my own time. So, as we celebrate Easter this Sunday, I am proud to say that I am a Christian and have never felt better about my relationship with God. I think I will always be private about my faith, but it feels better to know what I believe and that the process of exploring those beliefs is a lifetime process. I spent this Lenten season by giving an hour of my time each week at my church to pray for others. There is nothing that makes you feel more grateful than to sit and pray for others that are facing difficult struggles. It was a challenging and beautiful experience. Happy Easter to you and your loved ones.