Thought 6: It's all in my head . . .

When I was six years old, my family moved temporarily from Titusville, Florida to Tallahassee while my dad served as Special Counsel to then Governor Bob Graham. I was in the first grade and had the chance to take a break from catholic school and school uniforms and move to this new "big" city.  I remember missing my friends dearly but it all went by pretty fast. Little did I know that on August 14, 1986 when I was 11 years old, Tallahassee would become a permanent move for our family as my dad started a new law firm. Little did I also know that, although we would miss our friends and life in the only town my brothers and I had ever known, it would be the best move our family could have possibly made - one of those decisions that most likely changed the trajectory of my life. 

Do you ever find that your head just gets in the way? Whether I am trying to motivate myself or rise up to a challenge or just make a simple decision, I just over think things. I also feel very deeply about people and ideas. While I believe these are strengths, it sure does make life difficult sometimes. I am also a world class worrier, but that is probably a topic all on its own. I do have a problem of letting my mind get in the way of my actions, whether I am thinking, feeling, or worrying, and most likely all of the above. This could apply to a lot areas of my life, as many of my loved ones would probably tell you. But lately I have found it is particularly relevant to my running.

I was sitting in my car one morning after I dropped Megan off at preschool. I do my short runs on the two days she is in school each week. It was a particularly yucky day as it was rainy and cold and the wind was picking up. Let's just say I really didn't want to get out of the car. Now that the colder weather has officially arrived, I find it harder (like most people) to get motivated. My mind goes to hot chocolate and a good book in a cafe - or, better yet, snuggling under my favorite green blanket in front of our lit Christmas tree. It takes a lot of effort to put on the layers, fleece headband, and sometimes, the running gloves. But, like I have said before, I never regret it once I start.

A good friend and veteran runner told me some wise words recently: "When running, your mind will always quit before your body." I guess they call this a runner's wall. I do walk some when I run, mainly on my long weekend runs and it is at regular intervals. I am currently running seven minutes and walking one. I hope to continue to increase this interval to one mile of running and one minute of walking. I find it motivating and sustaining to know I have a short break coming up. But maybe this is a mind game. It has worked for me in my training, and as my strength and endurance increases, so does the length between my breaks.  There is nothing wrong with walking and this is a strategy that works for a lot of people, including me. I just want to walk when I planned it, not when my mind thinks I need it.

As excited as I am about this journey, sometimes I just don't want to lace up the shoes. I have days when my mind just wants to walk.  My blood pressure is fine and I am not out of breath, but I just get tired. This is a struggle for me. My mind thinks it needs more rest and my body sometimes listens. I think training for a race, regardless of the distance, is not just training your body to run farther and faster. It is about training your mind and body to work together and be more in sync. I know what I am capable of and my mind just needs to work with my body better to make it happen. Is it a confidence issue? Probably. Is it fatigue? Sometimes. Either way, I will continue to use my training time over the next 11 months to make my mind and body work more as a team.

On one hand, my mind does take over on occasion and convinces my body to just slow down. On the other hand, my mind is what jump started me on this journey in the first place. I would not have committed to this blog, to this training time, and most certainly to a marathon, without it starting as a goal in my head. I would not have gotten out of the car that morning without my strength and motivation to keep this commitment to myself. When I think about my past and struggles I have faced, I would not be standing here if I did not know both in my mind and heart that I could keep going. It has actually taken me a long time to trust my body again - to feel like I would be ok physically - despite what might happen in the future. It is very difficult for me to say that out loud in fear of jinxing my good fortune once again.

In looking back over my life experiences, both positive and negative, I have come to a greater understanding of the mind-body connection. They don't function well if they are not working together. This is a constant challenge and does need training, whether you are talking about a marathon, a life challenge, or maybe even getting out of bed in the morning. My mom always told me that I am too hard on myself. Although I will always be working on this as a heavy thinker and worrier, I have found that having confidence in yourself and finding humor in any situation are your best weapons. If I can pair these assets with making my body as strong as it can be, I know I can get through most anything - even a marathon.

I guess I better stop here and go let both my mind and body go. It will be time to lace up again soon!