Thought 5: A thankful heart . . .

When I was five years old, my parents took my two brothers and I on a three-week trip around the country. We had a multi-stop plane ticket and hit cities from Maine to California. When I think back on this trip, my five-year old memories include my first Broadway shows in NYC, Peter Pan with Sandy Duncan and Annie. I remember the "No Vacancy" signs we continued to see one late night driving through Maine. I remember the glow necklaces at the Astros baseball game in Houston and I remember driving down the twisty turns of Lombard Street in San Francisco. An incredible trip and another example of my parents doing what they could to open our eyes to adventures beyond our boundaries. 

We went to the Clemson-Citadel game recently and it was Military Appreciation Day. They honored veteran and active service men and women in many different ways and I worked hard to pay attention to each moment while negotiating with a three-year-old in my lap eating frozen lemonade. But, there was one moment that struck me in particular. It was during halftime and Megan was getting tired. The band had finished their portion of the show and she had her head on Bob's shoulder. The names of the approximately 30 Clemson service men and women that had lost their lives over the past year were announced over the loud speaker and their pictures were displayed on the score board. The families of these men and women were on the field and honored in that moment. The band played Taps and all I could do was look at Bob with Megan and think of all the men and women that would no longer have the chance to connect with their loved ones because of the sacrifice they made to their country. This is a moment that sits close to my heart this Thanksgiving and my love and prayers go out to all service men and women, active or veteran, and their families for all they give to this country.

It's easy to say that I am thankful for so much this Thanksgiving - the blessings I try to thank God for every day. I am thankful that I am married to my very best friend who I am more over the moon for today than any other day of my life. I am thankful for my daughter and all the love and joy she brings to my heart every day. I am thankful for my dad and our relationship and that I can call him one of my very best friends. I am thankful as a sister, a daughter-in-law, an aunt, a niece, a friend to have so many gifts in my life both big and small. I am thankful for my health and the fact I am symptom free from issues I have faced and that I am able to participate in a running journey like this one. A home, a warm bed, security, food on my table, family, and good health - I am thankful for all of these things this Thanksgiving and every day.

I am thankful for the gift of adoption. It could not be more fitting for me that Thanksgiving, Megan's birthday, and National Adoption Month share the same month. The gift of adoption is not something that came to my life just three years ago. I was given this gift when I was born as my second brother Steve, who is three years older than me, was adopted by my parents at birth. I never really thought about this much growing up as Steve was just my brother and my parents never made it a big deal. It was a part of his story and it wasn't something I ever thought about much. Steve was always my brother in the same way my oldest brother Mike was my brother. Although we played the roles of teasing brother and irritating sister growing up, Steve and I could not be closer now as he is one of my very best friends. So, adoption was clearly a gift to me from the very beginning and a positive force in my life.

Although the story of how Bob and I reached the decision to adopt a child is long, the road after that decision was a good experience. I will share the first half of that story in another blog, but it all led to what was meant to be from the beginning, Megan as our daughter. We knew that from the moment we saw her. There is a lot of bad press and misinformation out there about adoption and people are so scared and intimidated to venture into the process. It is not easy and there are people that have had bad experiences and long roads with the journey, maybe even have given up. Bob and I had the opposite experience.

The greatest move we made as we got started was connecting with an adoption consultant. Once we connected and signed up with Nicole Witt at The Adoption Consultancy (www.theadoptionconsultancy.com), our adoption journey was off and running. Don't misunderstand me, adoption is a daunting and an extremely vulnerable process. But having an expert there to provide the education, help, and encouraging and honest voice was invaluable. She walked us through the process when we sat down with her at her office near Tampa in December 2009, and everything else was completed by phone and email. She claims she can help you through the process in 3-12 months, and we were matched with Megan's birthmother in July 2010, 8 months after we first sat down with her!

The first five months of the journey were spent on paperwork, paperwork, and more paperwork. We went through background checks, a home study, and spent countless time at Panera Bread drinking raspberry iced tea and completing our questionnaires and forms on our respective laptops. Nicole did the research and connected us with a list of agencies, mainly in Florida and Utah, that she thought would be a good match for us. We had a wonderful experience with our home study and the social worker could not have a been a nicer person, although I was terrified the day she came over to our house. The biggest undertaking of the applications was our adoption profile. It is a 12-page laminated book full of pictures and text, which is what is given to the birthmother when she is deciding on a family. I spent a lot of time at Kinkos making copies of applications for each agency we applied to and laminating page by page of probably 20 copies of our profile. That took me about 4 hours one day.

We were approved to be adoptive parents in May 2010 and the waiting began. We had no idea what to expect and it was difficult. We were presented to a few birthmothers along the way, which is hard because you never hear back from the agency if you were not selected. You just have to assume they declined after a certain period of time. But, one fateful day in July, we received a call from a Utah agency and our first connection with Megan was made. We had an initial conversation with the birthmother on the phone before being selected and the decision was made very quickly afterwards.

So, after two short months of waiting, we were on our way to becoming parents. We had regular communication with the birthmother from July to November when Megan was born. Although our worries and fears about this part of the process consumed us many days during that time, looking back, we had no need to worry. Megan's birthmother could not have been more giving and did everything she could to keep us informed and part of the pregnancy. She even mentioned the fact she was having a girl when I talked to her on the way to work one morning when I was driving Bob's car.  I like to call the mark on his car that I made when I turned quickly into my parking space at work to call him with the news our "it's a girl scratch." She even texted me an ultrasound picture.

We visited Megan's birthmother once in her hometown before the delivery and we all met in Utah in November 2010 for the big day. She let us both be in the room up until the point she started pushing and I was allowed to stay for the birth! We are forever grateful to her for this gift. She even let Bob's parents and my dad come up to her room later that day to meet Megan. Our agency was so supportive throughout the whole process and was at the hospital with us to make sure everything went as planned. We took Megan home from the hospital two days later to a local Residence Inn and stayed there for almost two weeks until the paperwork was cleared in Utah and Georgia for us to come home. Six months later we returned to Utah for the adoption to be finalized, a beautiful day for us as a family. Megan was baptized at our church in Atlanta the same week.

So, this Thanksgiving, I will be thankful for so many things, and the gift of adoption and all that it has brought to my life is one of them. If you are thinking about adoption and want any help or resources, please let me know. Every experience is different, but it is important to me that people hear the good things too. I have shared our consultant with several people over the years and always love paying it forward to ease the journey for others who are on their way to being connected with their dream come true too.