Thought 40: Wrapping it up like a bow . . .

For each blog, I have taken time to look back at a year of my life and highlight a moment, a happening, or a feeling that stood out to me. Well, if you have been following along the past 39 blogs, you know what happened the year I turned 40. It has been an amazing year running, living, loving, and learning. I am still living it as I am only two months into my 40th year. I can't say I have been doing a lot of running the past couple of months, but I deserve a break, right? I sure think so and so do my legs. I will join the rest of the new gym memberships in January with a renewed spirit and focus. Now time for another treat!

What a ride this last year has been for me. I have to say I am proud of myself for seeing this journey and blog to the other side. I have put myself out there in a new way and allowed myself to be vulnerable. I have often heard people remark that people who talk about their medical issues and other problems are "complaining" or "not strong." I can appreciate the need for privacy and that is something different. Up until the past few years, I didn't want to talk about any of my experiences. However, I don't think strength is defined by how well you stand alone or keep things to yourself. I think it is important to have people in your life that can share your worries and burdens, as we all have them. I think the more we all can share and talk, the more we can lean on each other and help each other. I would never want anyone in my life to feel alone.

So, this is what I hope this blog has been for you. I have felt alone so many times along the way, even though I had loved ones holding my hands. I share my story with all of you to show that it is ok to be afraid, but you don't have to be afraid. You are not alone, no matter what worries you. I just hope some part of my story shows you that is true.

I have mentioned before that I struggled for many years like I was standing at the start line, unable to move, and everyone was zooming past me. And this is what this journey has been for me. I am no longer at the start line. I am running the race and living my life. The funny thing is, I have always been living my life . . . my life. I have tried so many times to will myself internally to move on, get over it, or not accept everything that happened to me as part of my life. The self talk I have had with myself over the years is brutal. What I have learned over the past year is that there are no amount of words that will get you across the start line. It's all about action. You don't have to run a marathon to wake up your life. You just have to stand up. You have to invest in yourself. You have to keep moving despite the fear. You have to have hope.

So, that is what it is about for me . . . hope and faith. No matter what your obstacle is in life (or obstacles), you have to have hope - hope that things will get better. I have asked the questions, Why me? Again? When is it my turn to be happy? When will it get better? I don't have the answers to those questions. I never will and neither will you. There is not anyone out there that is alone in finding life to be really hard. When I see senseless deaths around the world, friends losing spouses, parents losing kids, I would say my problems have been minor. But I don't think it is about what I have gone through, but what I have learned from it. If I have inspired or given hope to one person through my writing, than I would say this journey was a success. A year later, I stand tall as a 40-year-old woman feeling hopeful about my future and that of my family. If I wrote these last 40 posts and no one read them, I would be happy, because I wrote them, read them, and am healing from them.

My blog "40 thoughts for 40 years" is now complete. I feel so good about it and walk away with a happy heart. I look forward to continuing to write and finding new ways I can impact the world. I know my mom is looking down from heaven with a big smile and proud heart. Her strength gave me the gumption to put my feelings into words and my words into actions. She will be in my heart always. Thank you mom.

So, 40 years, 40 blogs, hundreds of miles, lots of sweat and tears, never enough laughs, and $10,226 raised later, I say thank you. Now that I have finished this blog, you might ask, what am I going to do? WE'RE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!!! (Shhhhhh . . . Megan doesn't know yet.)

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Happy Holidays to each of you. I hope the new year brings hope and love to your heart and peace in this world.